International Trucks Maxxforce TV Widget

I just posted this Maxxforce TV widget for 500 credits. You can earn free credits too!

You`re Hot

This is going to seem so silly, but it touched me, as strange as it was.

This evening I was working and this boy (about 10 or 11 I`d say) asked me a question. I helped him out and as he was leaving, he said to me "Hey I think you`re hot."

Now yes, it was really odd and I kind of awkwardly said "Um...thanks" and then when I got out of sight I started laughing.

But it was flattering in a way. After all, he probably thought I was really old, which is a compliment. And he was thought I was hot, which is a boost to my self-esteem (which can be really low at times).

Plus, he was the first male not related to me to tell me I am attractive (My Dad of course tells me I`m the most beautiful girl in the world). As someone who often wonders if she`ll ever have a boyfriend, it`s nice to know SOMEONE thinks I`m hot. It`s nice to know that I`m not completely invisible compared to the blond, beautiful cheerleaders in the world.

Gosh, high school guys...you suck. A 10-year old can do it better than you can. It`s OK, I know right now you`re just interested in the physical aspect...I get it. Besides, I wouldn`t go out with someone who just wanted me for my looks. Intelligent conversation is a necessity in my courtships...I already know that and I haven`t even HAD a boyfriend (but hey, I wouldn`t mind having a couple of inside jokes too).

My mom tells me that in college guys start to look past the big boobs…which makes me want college even more. To meet a theatre nerd or history major would be delightful. But I must admit, I am kind of vain about my hair, so having a guy notice that wouldn`t be so bad.

Going to back to the original topic… being called hot isn`t as nice as being called beautiful (though I definitely appreciate the sentiment) just so all guys know that little tip.

There`s a icon/bumper sticker floating around that says something like “All I want is one guy to prove that they are not all the same.” That`s cliché, but true. One guy is all it takes to find eternal happiness. Another bumper sticker states “Dance with God…He`ll let the perfect man cut in.” That`s the one I want my love life to be guided by. I`m not interested in flings, and I`m definitely not interested in sleeping around. I want to date men that could be my husband someday. That`s how my brother did it, and now he`s got this awesome girlfriend that`s probably going to be my sister-in-law sooner rather than later.

Now when I say potential husband I`m not suggesting planning the wedding on the first date. I`m saying we have to have enough of the same basic morals/viewpoints to get along reasonably well for the first couple months/years/decades (however long it takes for us to get serious), and then as dating learning more about each other. I think I would like to friends first before being boyfriend/girlfriend…it`s more comfortable that way.

To show an example of this (although I really shouldn`t since there might be annoying questions), I will explain my current “crushes”. My “crushes” are boys that I think are good, godly boys who have similar viewpoints as me as far as I can tell. I know this because I`ve known them in semi-close proximity for awhile. My “crushes” are boys I would say yes to if they happen to ask me out (I have no unrealistic hopes that they will though). I have about 3 or 4, and my perfect man would have attributes of each of them. That`s it though…I don`t daydream about them or draw hearts around their names or get jealous if I see them with other girls. They are just the occasional thought…”Wouldn`t it be nice if so-and-so asked me to the movies on Friday?” Nothing else.

Besides I can`t date until college anyway. My work schedule cripples my social life—I work every Friday and Saturday.

But if you are reading and your name is Mr. Right, I will definitely squeeze you in. My name`s Emily and I love God, books, music, and cats (in that order). I can`t wait to discuss politics and go to art museums together (and hey, if you want to teach me the rules of football/basketball/rugby/whatever sport you play, I`d be okay with that too—as long as I can bring a book when we go to games and you`re not playing). How about we go to a movie on Tuesday?

Currently Listening I'm Not Dead By Pink see related

Average

Well, Tuesday night I went kind of crazy. I wrote one blog post, and started another one. I’m afraid neither of those are going to show up here. The first is not applicable (I solved the issue I wrote about), and the second is a rant that nobody would care about except me (it was mainly for me anyway). I’m still dealing with that issue, but it got put into perception after I started writing in all caps and swearing (Yes, I know…it was not a happy blog post).

So let’s start on a fresh playing field shall we? My life is one big ZZZZZZZZ….. I’m ready and waiting for college to begin. Speaking of that, I went on a college tour at TCU yesterday and fell in love again. It’s got everything I want: a great journalism school, a student magazine and newspaper, a decent theatre program, international study, tons of new features, an awesome dining room, beautiful campus, and very nice classrooms/dorms/everything. Plus, it’s close to home, private, relatively small (though not as small as Southwestern). It has a good reputation worldwide and a great endowment/alumni pool. I do believe come next fall I shall be a Horned Frog and will have an excess of purple in my wardrobe. Fort Worth, here I come.

I’ve finished most of my applications for TCU and Southwestern, and handed off my counselor and teacher recommendations! All I have to do is write my essay for Southwestern, finalized my resume, and do my Freedom of Expression page for TCU. This weekend perhaps? AP European History is bringing out my procrastination side. I’ve read all the chapters I need to, but I still need to take notes on Chps. 12, 13, 14 (and I’m sure 15 won’t be far behind). Mrs. Telford is taking up our notebooks in the next two weeks, so I HAVE to get done with that. We also have a take-home essay due Tuesday and a chart comparing Catholicism and Protestantism due Wednesday. Our 9-weeks project is due October 13^th, and while I’m done reading my book, I still have to write my analysis for it. We started our research papers in English too, and mine’s on Formalist literary criticism (which I’ve never even HEARD of), so I definitely foresee major research in my future.

So scratch that whole “working on college stuff this weekend” thing I just said. I realized I have so much more to do! Grr.

So I’ve been working a lot this school year…25 hours a week. If you figure it up, that’s about how much time I spend at school! I like work well enough, especially when I leave at 10 on school nights. I’m making decent money too. My current issue is getting off the first week in January for Christmas. I want to go see my family in Missouri. I can never get my supervisor’s permission though because she’s never there when I am! It’s making me nervous as a result.

I’m not doing much else. I volunteer at the library on Thursday afternoons from 3-4:30 for National Honor Society (I also need to do 2 hours of tutoring for it, but I have an idea that I hope will pan out). I’m also on Church Youth Council and in the church youth choir, but I’ve missed the last two Sundays because I had to work. This Sunday I’m going to be leading a small discussion group during evening youth, which is nerve-wracking! I also went to 2 Student Council meetings, but it’s so big and crowded I’m not sure I really want to be involved. It kind of seems hierarchical in a way, and as a newbie Senior I’m not in the best position. I was named Editorial Page Editor for the Newspaper which was kind of exciting!

This weekend will be average. I work tomorrow and Saturday night. Saturday afternoon Agar and I are having a movie date. Sunday I have church and evening youth.

College…I want you. I need you. Come to me. Pretty Please?

Bitterness

I like how I pretend that people read this. I like how I`ve been holding an one-way conversation with myself for years. I like how the teenage population is so fickle, it has to have trends to sell its soul to.

Why am I so bitter? I am so frustrated with EVERYTHING! With myself,  the world, my friends, my future, my faith, my family.

I am just a drama queen with no drama.

Think about how easy unpopularity is. No rumors, no expectations, no need to look or act in a certain way. Just what you want.

You know what I want? I want peace and quiet, with socialisation whenever I want. I want books. I want TV. I want someone I can talk to without fear--that most of all.

I want to stop being crazy.

When did I become so bitter?

Smorgasbord

I’d apologize, but this is my page, so I’m allowed to be a bit crazy. I am the stereotypical white smart conservative Christian girl who lives in a suburb and doesn’t have to worry about money. I make straight As and expect to go to college with lots of scholarships, even though my parents can afford to pay for college with no help. I’m terribly shy—the girl who sits alone at lunch because no one will talk to her and she can’t bring herself to introduce herself to someone. I’d rather read a book than converse with people.

I support gay rights, even though my Dad is homophobic. I detest the idea of getting married and having 2.5 kids with a white picket fence and a dog. I want to travel the world, but I am so bigoted I’d rather go to Western Europe than anywhere else. I never discover up-and-coming bands—I only hear about them from my friends, so I have no original taste in music. I’m a Harry Potter fan girl, and I will probably remain one until the day I die. I drink Starbucks coffee (Vanilla lattes), and I drink them because I like them. Sometimes though, I deliberately drink it slowly, so I have time for my friends to note the brand.

If I could have any job in the world, I’d be the editor of Texas Monthly magazine, even though I hate politics. I like to bake, especially pumpkin muffins. I wear hearing aids—I’m not ashamed of it. I lie about my height. I hate blood tests. I’m a year older than the majority of my classmates-I’ll be 19 when I start college. It frustrates me at times, and I feel more mature than my peers.

The girl who was formerly my best friend is now someone I have no energy to deal with. I haven’t had her over in months. I blame her for ruining our relationship, and I can’t get past it. Yet I feel guilty because I know I should fix it. Sometime I’m going to write her a letter and say all the things I’ve wanted to say. I don’t know if she’d even understand it though.

My parents are in Greece right now, and I told them I didn’t want to go because I was working. That was true, but I also feel embarrassed that I’m so well-traveled at such a young age. Not many 16-year olds go to Italy, after all. I know it’s ridiculous.

 I worry too much. I’m too pessimistic. I`m hypocritical.

I don`t know what this is, or how to make sense of it. Take it as you will.